Read This Before You Buy That Gift
A minimalist’s guide to giving (or not giving) the perfect present.
My birthday is around the corner. 15th of June, save the date.
Public‑Service Announcement: Don’t buy me a gift.
Seriously, don't do it.
I’ve tried to stop people for years but it hasn’t worked.
I get it, I also do it. Showing up to a party empty-handed feels awkward.
So, what do we always do? We bring something. A bottle of wine. A book we haven’t read.
Not because it’s right, but because we don’t know how to show up as we are. If someone gives you their time, their space, their invitation, you feel the need to pay them back.
You want to bring something... but what?
Doubt kicks in: How much should I spend? What does he like? Has he already read this? Am I a bad friend if I just show up with vibes?
I’m hard to gift. Not because I’m fancy. But because I'm weird, specific and opinionated.
And if I don't help you, I'll end up with something I don’t like.
You feel bad. I feel bad. We’ll all pretend it’s fine. Let’s please not do that.
Enough complaining. Today I’m here to help.
I decided to write the ultimate gifting guide. One that spares you money. That saves you time. And maybe, just maybe, it’ll help you understand me a little better.
Steal this idea if you want. Make your own. Use my jokes. Or not. Make it yours.
You’re allowed to be complicated. The people who love you want to get it right.
Let's jump right into it.
🚫 What Doesn't Work
I hate gifts that create an obligation to use, wear, read, or eat.
My dad used to give me T-shirts because that’s what he likes. I didn't like them, and hated telling my dad I’d never wear them.
I had a closet full of those T-shirts. I never wore them but I didn't give them away either. My dad never sees me wearing them.
One day I was painting my house in one of those gifted T-shirts with the risk of ruining it. Dad saw me and looked kinda sad.
A horrible lose‑lose situation. Let’s avoid this at all costs.
👕 Clothes
When you are my size (165 cm / 5 ft 4 in and 59 kg / 130 lb), buying clothes in the Netherlands, a country where babies are taller than me by age five, is a logistical nightmare.
I shop in the kids’ section.
Good news: it’s cheaper 🤑
Bad news: most of my sweaters have a teddy bear riding a skateboard 🧸
If it’s hard for me, it’s impossible for you. Don't even try.
📚Books
I love reading and that’s exactly why you shouldn’t buy me books. Confused? Yes, this one is tricky.
Books are the sneakiest offenders: they look thoughtful, but they’re terrible gifts for me.
I’m picky about reading, and life’s too short for books I don’t choose.
I’ll never read all the books I want before I die. That’s sad enough without adding your book to the guilt pile.
If you give me a book, it will end up gathering dust on my shelf. Many of the books I buy for myself have the same fate, so don't feel bad.
🍸 Gourmet Foods
I don’t get excited about things like truffle-infused olive oils or gochujang relish. Give me chicken, rice, and broccoli forever and I’ll die happy. Save it for someone who appreciates it.
Skip alcohol, I don't drink.
❗Exception: dark chocolate. Always chocolate. If the Mayans thought it was sacred, who am I to disagree?
🖼️ Stuff for the house
I try to live as a minimalist. And my girlfriend will kill me if I bring any knick-knacks into her perfectly organized house. Less is more.
❗Exception: plants. Plants are alive. Plants are always welcome.
✅ What Does Work (and why)
Before I traveled to Asia for three months, my friends gave me the perfect backpack. It opened like a suitcase, full of pockets, and beat my old pack in every way.
I would’ve never bought it for myself and that's the point.
A great gift feels like something I didn't know I needed. But once I got it, it felt perfectly mine.
Gift cards are better than a bad gift but don’t feel personal enough. They are an outsourcing of our friendship.
Wish lists kill the surprise factor. I don’t want to hand you a shopping list. I want a surprise that feels like I picked it myself. Like you saw me for real.
I’m basically asking you to read my mind. Or worse, to read both my subconscious and feel my needs and desires before me.
Maybe the only gift I need is more therapy sessions.
💸 What to Do If You’re Broke (or a Communist)
Let's start with the inexpensive alternatives first.
✉️ Write me an email
More like a digital letter. This way I can keep a copy that I can re-read at any time.
I mark these emails with a specific label so I can reach out to them when I feel sad to remember that there are people in this world who love me.
Writing is tough, I know. Remember, I'm here to help you not to make your life harder.
So... I got you some prompts. You don’t have to answer all of them. Think of them as a menu, pick what feels good.
Tell me something you’ve never told me
A secret. A memory. A thought you were afraid to say out loud.
Tell me what you like about our friendship
Yes, it’s awkward and cheesy, but I’ll reread it on bad days.Tell me how you see me
What’s it like to be my friend / sibling / dance partner / meme-pal / occasional unpaid therapist? What do you think I don’t see about myself?
Remind me of a moment we shared
Something you remember vividly. Maybe I forgot it. Maybe I remember it too. Either way, bonus points if you attach a blurry photo of us looking like idiots.
Ask me a question
Throw me a curveball. Something deep. Something you’d like to know but never asked.
🎶 Make Me a Playlist
As you might or might not know, I'm getting into DJ-ing. So, sharing music is my new love language.
Make me a playlist with tracks you swear I’ll put on repeat.
Bonus points if you build it on YouTube instead of Spotify, it's my gift after all.
⏳Time Together
Everything is better shared.
When I’m alone and spot a perfect sunset, a funny graffiti, or a thick juicy steak, I snap a photo and WhatsApp it to the people I love.
But a moment shared online is only half-alive. True awe echoes louder when we’re side by side.
📅 Plan an Experience Together
Take me somewhere. Let’s go on an adventure we’ll remember.
Cooking class
Live music event
Escape room
Bowling
🎟️ Give Me a Personal Promise
Write me a voucher. A promise for something we can do together, where I still have a say in what, when, and how.
Movie night but I pick the film (at home or at the theater).
Join me for an activity I want (movie, concert, party, whatever).
Dinner outside at my favorite place (bonus points if you cover up to 20 euros of my meal).
🌎 Give Me a Peek Into Your World
Tell me everything about one of your hobbies. Help me to understand why you love the things you love.
But take the time to do it right. I want a full-on presentation. Bonus points if you use PowerPoint. Double bonus points if you apologize for how many slides you made.
I believe that when something sounds boring, it’s usually because we don’t know enough yet.
Like the time an Indian colleague gave a lunchtime lecture about cricket right before the World Cup.
Did you know they use one single ball during the entire game? And that, as the ball wears down, teams change their tactics to exploit its new behavior.
I still don’t like cricket.
But now I understand why people might like it.
I don’t have to love what you love. But if you love it hard enough and can share that passion effectively, maybe I’ll see it the way you do.
📓 Small, Silly, Perfect Things
The kinds of gifts that usually feel good to receive:
Blank Notebooks
Minimalist, high-quality paper, hard-cover. No lines, no quotes, no weird designs. I love them and can never get enough.A nice pen or mechanical pencil
A good pen is always an amazing gift. Please don't spend much on it because I’ll inevitably lose it and cry.Enamel Pins and Stickers
Cheap, tiny, silly and playful. Bonus points if it means something to us. If you get me a tiny kebab pin because we once cried in a parking lot after eating spicy-level-volcanic kebabs, that’s love.
☎️ Emergency Helpline
If you want to surprise me but you're unsure, ping my friend Gastón for insider intel (DM him for details).
He knows me well, and he’ll help you avoid gift disasters without ruining the surprise.
I don't know how he does it. Probably witchcraft. But trust him.
🙏 Before You Panic: Thank You!
If you’re here, it means you care. You already gave me the best gift.
Thank you for wanting to know me better and I hope you had a good laugh reading this.